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Dec. 9th, 2005 | 10:31 am
mood: contemplative

I have on a suit today. The world may end. I may not mind. Not because of the suit itself, but because of the fact that I don’t mind the suit. I do, however, mind that I don’t mind the suit. Get all that? A couple square feet of material reminds me that I have let my vigorous teenage ideals slip through my fingers like little grains of sand. Tweed and lipgloss somehow represent everything that’s fallen away in the past three or four years, pivotal years. I stand in awe of myself, though not because I feel I’m a better person than I was back then. Just because I'm more. For better or worse, I am more. Right now it feels I am a collection of hurts and contradictions, but I also feel full, somehow. If I died today, it would be with a sense of satisfaction. Maybe I haven’t done much, but everything I have done, has been with every ounce of my being. And that’s enough for me.

I think I'll go home and mull this over
Before I cram it down my throat
At long last it's crashed, this colossal mass
Has broken up into bits in my moat.

lift the mattress off the floor
Walk the cramps off
Go meander in the cold
Hail to your dark skin
Hiding the fact you're dead again
Underneath the power lines seeking shade
Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason

It's a luscious mix of words and tricks
That let us bet when you know we should fold
On rocks I dreamt of where we'd stepped
And all the whole mess of roads we're now on.

Hold your glass up, hold it in
Never betray the way you've always known it is.
One day I'll be wondering how
I got so old just wondering how
I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

This is way beyond my remote concern
Of being condescending

Oh these squawking birds won't quit.
Building nothing, laying bricks.

---The Shins

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